Anyone who’s heard me rant about it will know just how much I dislike [hate] Peter Crouch.  He is inept and it’s an embarrassment that he’s a Liverpool player.

However this isn’t another rant from me, just something I saw on the Liverpool website which I thought was funny.

Ex England manager Bobby Robson was asked to comment on just how great the Liverpool team was, he was full of praise for all the players.. but see if you can spot the one player he couldn’t think of a single good thing to say about:

Bobby Robson wrote:

“…

In the middle of the pitch, we find Steven Gerrard, a magnificent player of the highest level. They have a Spanish player who is excellent - Xabi Alonso. He is among the best. He knows how to control the play and has a great pass on him.

“They have the striker Peter Crouch, who is English. I won’t forget Craig Bellamy ... He is very, very fast, and very dangerous. There is also the Dutchman, Dirk Kuyt, who is a good player with a lot of quality.”

heheh, “Peter Crouch.. who is English” high praise indeed!

If you’re gonna get sacked, you might as well do it in style..

(the vagueness of this post is for ongoing legal reasons, and the need not to have anything too specific which could be googled by the people involved!)

A good friend of mine worked in a call centre of a well known satellite tv company.  After a particularly rude customer was.. particularly rude, my friend edited the computer system to change the customers first name to ‘Spaghetti’.

This wasn’t noticed until the customer received her copy of the company’s monthly magazine, address to ‘Mrs Spaghetti ******’.

My friend was sacked for gross misconduct, the customer on the other hand was sent cards, flowers, chocolate, and 2 years of free satellite tv!

due respect to [my friend] for a fantastically frivolous way to lose a job!

If only you’d changed my name before you left

My sister got married [in July… I wrote this post ages ago and forgot to post it!].  It was a posh event at Sandihole Farm near Congleton.

I was witness and usher, and had to wear tophat and tails..

My main job as usher was to escort everyone to their seats.  Brides family to the left, grooms to the right.

Also to escort people to the gifts table for them to leave their cards and presents.

Also to be a general source of useful wedding info

I dutifully hung around outside the place for an hour before the wedding, answering questions from the guests like:

guest: hi, where do we leave our gifts?

me: ooh.. erm.. not sure

guest: ooh where is your sister going on her honeymoon

me: ooh.. erm.. not sure

guest: what’s her new surname gonna be?

me: erm.. not sure

guest: where do we sit?

me: on the le.. erm.. or is it the righ.. hang on.. ok yeah just sit there

During the speeches, when the Groom got to the point of thanking me and giving me my gift, at least one table threatened to stand up and protest that i didn’t deserve it!

worst usher, ever!

I woke up this morning.

Rolled over, looked at the time, saw I was already a minute late, and swore.

“Holy Guacamole!” I said

…

..wtf part of my brain decided that “Holy Guacamole!” was the suitable curse for the situation!

Come to think of it.. where was the voice in my head (the one that knows what time it is) at 7:15 when i should have been waking up.

I was staying at J’s house just before Christmas, we all had the usual heavily drunken night.

Woke up the next morning, all the windows and doors are covered so it was the kind of darkness that could have been 6am, or could have been 2pm.

Then a voice in my head said “It doesn’t even matter about that.  In my opinion it’s 8:39”

I thought that was a pretty strange thing for a voice in my head to say, but it was specific enough that it made me wonder.

J has 2 clocks in the room, both of which long ago stopped working.

So I dug out my phone and checked the time.

It was 8:38

A little weird, but disappointing, to be so close but still wrong. 

Just to be sure though.. I dialed the speaking clock

“At the third stroke the time will be eight, thirty nine and fifty seconds” ... !

There’s a voice in my head, and it knows stuff!