Not many things (Michael Moore) make me angry, but one thing that does, is the tsunami…

Well ... not the tsunami itself, more the reaction to it.

I never noticed it before Princess Diana died, and that time I got swept along with it ... it was a sad thing, but the media built it into a huge wave of mourning that they sustained.. I even signed a book of condolences for her .. a fact that makes me cringe now ... it was sad she died, but worse things happen every day, and don’t get months worth of blanket coverage in the news.

Now the media is fuelling public hysteria about the tsunami ... there are loads of different collections going on, collections that don’t happen with [insert bad stuff that happens every day].

It’s my dads birthday this week, instead of a present he wants me to give the money to the tsunami fund, afterall “why would I want a present when there are people over there with nothing” ... that’s very noble .. but Every birthday, Fathers day, Christmas, there are people with nothing ... why is this so different???  (I didn’t shout, I donated the money as requested, but GRRR!).

I really object to the media, it really does seem to me that they pick a story that’ll cause an emotion in the public, then just fuel it up to a hysteria to sell more papers, and I hate that people get carried away with it every time.

Apart from the obvious telephone donations, after the Lion King in London the cast went round with buckets for donations, at work they donated our syndicate lottery winnings for last year, at work they also held a tombola, at my mums work there is a charity quiz, at ninJA lessons cost £10 one night with the extra going to the fund, at one of the schools I visited I got asked to guess the name of a lizard for the fund.  It’s great that all the extra money is getting raised, but no bugger does this for [insert bad stuff].

Have just noticed .. like I said, not much ever makes me angry, but the common theme with things that do ... is where I notice people who should know better being manipulated into jumping on bandwagons .. and seemingly not noticing..  the media fuelling emotions, Michael Moore manipulating people into agreeing with his agenda, journalists manipulating people into boycotting Waterstones or McDonalds (for example) .. and these people not being able to see that they’re being manipulated ...

But that probably says something psychologically about me .. a superiority complex or something… that I think I know better and can spot other people falling for the manipulation of others whilst I’m immune .. or something ;p

There’s no reason this is funny, other than that it’s about dwarfs..

The filming of the new Doctor Who series has run into trouble ... there aren’t enough dwarf actors around.

With Harry Potter and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory filming, all the dwarfs are taken.

If you’re 3’8”, the BBC wants to hear from you!

There is a book being passed around work called The TimeWaster Letters, which is a collection of ridiculous letters the author sent to various people, and the responses he got.  It’s well worth a read, and comes well endorsed.

But that’s not what this blog is about, instead I’m talking about ‘The Delaney Mails’, published today in all good booksto ... well published on my blog anyway.

Due to cutbacks I was unable to ‘change the names to protect the innocent’, so every time you read the name MICHAEL DELANEY .. imagine it actually says something else (there, shouldn’t get sued now)

Delaney is a ninja (note the ja), and is therefore on the ninJA email list ... just before Christmas he sent the following email

From:  “michael delaney”

hi
dont know if i have the right person but do you know do you know about that computing job you told me about it at the grading can you give the more info no it as am try to contact them so i am not confused you the one who work in the university at manchester carerrs service well if this is not who i think it is sorry for the mistake i chosse the name that sounded right to me thanks and have a good xmass and new years all the best michael ps this email is posted to everyone in our group right so if it is the the right person will get it in the end all the best michael

Which justifiably got the following responses

From:  “oliver kenton”

hi mike, you are thinking of Mark.
also, AAAAAARGH!!!!! PUNCTUATION!!!!

From:  “Hay, Graeme”

My brain still hurts just from trying to read that!

From:  Andrew Doyle

Trying to read that just made my hangover 10 times worse!
damn you!

From:  “Mark Adams”

Actually, it’s not me that works in a Career Service any more, it’s Scott from Manchester.
And my brain is dripping out of my ear and I have developed a twitch since reading that grammar.

So he made ammends with:

From:  “michael delaney”

So it is Mark who works in manchester or mmu that I in need to talk to does any one have his e mail address and please note the “grammer” in this massage is a lot better then the last one. So your heads wont hurt if you are hung over while reading this e mail thank you and good night and if you need some fun cheack out these mugshots at the below link

I just love the way that he claims the ‘“grammer” in this massage’ is better ... just because he’s put in a full stop (in the wrong place) and not even at the end of the paragraph.

Now I don’t claim to be great with grammar or punctuation ... only a fool would make such a claim and continue to write a blog, but his first mail was SO bad that he’s focused attention on every mail he writes.

His mails have improved slightly, I think mainly because he keeps them short now.  The guys at work ask me to forward them all his mails, and I thought they were funny enough to put up here, with future mails being put into comments.

(It’s probably important to remember Delaney is a university student).

From:  “michael delaney”

i have no idea but we will soon find out ps sorry about that email about a job and who had aproblem with the garmmer all the best mike and happy new year 2005 to you all

In response to ninJA restarting after Christmas:

From:  “michael delaney”

so lessons are back on the 4 of jan ever wat plaease let meknow

and

From:  “michael delaney”

so is ti no tonught th6 fo januray 2005 yes or no please let me know all the best mike

And finally (for now) about a ninJA donation to the Tsunami fund

From:  “michael delaney”

have to cheack my bank balance will see ps how much is a guee

Britney!

We just got called out to look at some suspected counterfeit footwear ... whilst examining the box, I noticed that Nike have registered the brand name Air-Soles.

...

I guess in America the ‘soundalike’ doesn’t mean the same thing!