In the last few entries I’ve glossed over the dangers of crocs etc, concentrating more on the dangers of hose pipes and ceiling fans.  However, with all the flooding currently ongoing.  Deadly snakes and crocs are getting washed out of their rivers and creeks, and ending up in people back yards.

A quote from the local paper:

Several crocodiles have been seen swimming through local streets, while a deadly brown snake shocked drivers waiting for the water to recede on the Bruce Highway south of town.
Resident Patrick Barrett said the town was surrounded by crocs waiting out flooding in the cane fields.
“Every night we see them, you can just see their eyes.
We know they are out there.  You can hear them groaning during the night.”

Sounds like the plot to a schlock horror movie, a town cut off, crocs surrounding the place, waiting for the floodwaters to get high enough to invade, locals huddled in their houses, being kept awake at night by groaning noises and the occasional flash of a glowing eye, watching, waiting.

Right now Queensland is in monsoon season, taking record rainfalls, and massive flooding.

62% of Queensland is currently underwater.  62%!

Townsville has some flooded roads, but isn’t doing too badly by comparison with our neighbours.  We are however cut off.  To the north, west and south of us is flooded.  To the east is the sea.  It’d be a good time to own a boat.

We had our 2nd cyclone pass through the area last week, it crossed the coast about 100km north of here and travelled west, then looped around and started heading back in our direction.  At the same time, a potential cyclone was forming to the east of us, and heading inland.  With Townsville sandwiched in the middle.  Brilliant!

In my last blog I mentioned that in Australia, ordinary household objects were as much of a threat as the crocs, sharks, spiders etc that you’re warned about.

This was further backed up a few days ago, when for the second time since I got here, I was attacked by a ceiling fan.

The same ceiling fan that nearly cost me three fingers a couple of months ago, struck again, and went for the same 3 fingers.

This time it spattered my blood across the walls, bed, floor, and me.

Did anyone have ‘ceiling fan’ in the ‘what will kill graeme’ sweepstake?

Before I moved over to Australia I’d done some research.  I’d looked up Townsville on the internet, I’d spoken to people who’d survived this country.  I’d read Bill Bryson, who wrote:

Australia has more things that can kill you in extremely nasty ways than anywhere else: sharks, crocodiles, the ten most deadly poisonous snakes on the planet, fluffy yet toxic caterpillars, seashells that actually attack you, and the unbelievable box jellyfish (don’t ask). The dangerous riptides of the sea and the sun-baked wastes of the outback both lie in wait for the unwary. It’s one tough country.

I knew from my research that that list was far from comprehensive, spiders, plantlife, dropbears, cyclones & vampires are all common dangers here.

But it turns out there are dangers much closer to home which even the internet hadn’t told me about.  As this warning sign found at Australia Zoo explains, even ordinary household objects are dangerous, in Australia.

I bought a new mouse along with my laptop a few months ago, which has now broken.

I phoned Dell, who put me through to Logitech, who said:

“Write this reference number on a piece of paper.  Then you need to take 4 photographs.

1. Take a photo of the mouse and the piece of paper together

2. Turn the mouse upside down and take a photo with the paper.

3. Smash the mouse up with a hammer and take a photo of the bits with the paper” ..
I interrupted with a “....what?” .. “did you say to smash the mouse up with a hammer??”
He confirmed that yes, that’s what he said.
I pointed out that that seemed a little crazy, that all that was broken was that the scroll button didn’t quite work as intended.
He repeated that it needed smashing up with a hammer.
I pointed out that I’d then be without a mouse until the replacement arrives, which he had told me would be between 4 and 14 days, if they were in stock, and that he didn’t know if they were in stock.
He said I should use another mouse until the replacement arrived.
I pointed out that that’d mean I had to go out and buy another mouse to use.
He said he’d speak to his supervisor, put me on hold, came back a minute later and said:
“Yup, you have to smash it with a hammer”
Brilliant.